Email is A Coward’s Way Out
I love email and the freedom it gives me to quickly communicate with folks around the world. But…I have become increasingly aware that email can be a coward’s way out. Let me explain what I mean by this. Email is an effective way to communicate information and I doubt that anyone would disagree with this, but it can be a very poor medium of communication for resolving interpersonal problems.
When something comes between me and someone else my first reaction is not to go to talk to them to sort out this break in our relationship. And if my feelings were hurt I seem to especially not want to talk to this person either face to face or by phone. That is where email as the “coward’s way out” comes in. I am too fearful to talk with the person so I hide behind my email. And since the other person cannot see or hear me I can say any number of things that I would never have the courage to say in person or on the phone. This is especially true of saying unkind things or saying things in such a way that does not encourage the reconciliation process but rather just allows me to get some things off my chest. Email can become the medium of choice for the person who allows the fear of man to rule him.
As believers, we are committed to treat others in a manner that honors our Lord. Our purpose must be to seek to restore broken relationships. Our manner of communication is not unimportant. We need to remember the truth of Ephesians 4:29.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Email does not communicate voice inflection or tone. It also does not keep the other person from reading a false tone or inflection into the email. If we are serious about wanting to restore the relationship then we must seek the best method that has the highest chance of success. My concern is that email is all too often the medium of the coward. Let’s not hide behind our emails and let’s remember who we are seeking to honor with our communication.
Geoff Volker
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Hi, Geoff; while I've "found" e-mail to be a medium which enhances my ability to encourage, exhort, and edify (I hope!), I concur that it is best to meet face-to-face, if possible, if peacemaking is necessary. Ken Sande's word — peacefaking — applies to the detached, impersonal method of communication that is e-mail.I have a "dry" sense of humor; in combination with my writing style, my electronic communication has provoked unwarranted consternation. Also, I have to be deliberate to attempt to "handle" personal conflict differently than I "handle" legal conflict; indeed, even while I "handle" legal conflict, I have to be deliberate to keep in mind that my Judge doesn't wear a black robe!
Thanks for posting this brother Geoff. With our church, we have tried to repeatedly teach the importance of avoiding e-mail discussions and promoting loving, face-to-face interactions in a Matthew 18 fashion when issues related to conflict and sin are involved.
One nail, one head, one hit and driven all the way.Only really good carpenters can do that.Joe
I wholeheartedly agree, Geoff, as this has been my experience as well.
Similar situations exist within the realm of articles and published
books. Typically, if we don't agree with someone's perspective we
either assume the disagreement is "legit" and go on our merry way, or
publish our own article/book with a counter-argument. Rarely does
one pick up the phone and dialogue with the brother or sister that we
disagree with in hopes to better understand what they might be saying.
The love for Christ seeks to understand and not assume. Of
course, not all authors are accessible for communication, but I have
found the folks at IDS very much so.
Well, I guess St. Paul is in big trouble for posting all those letters, right?
Hi Mike!
Geoff is not meaning to put a moratorium on all written communication. This is a blog and Geoff posted a blog entry so that much is clear. Geoff is simply saying that when you want to handle conflict and you are not stranded somewhere as Paul was and your are not part of God's plan to reveal himself inerrantly in a book, it is better to talk face to face or at least on the phone rather than using email.
Steve
Geoff…greetings from beautiful Lakeside AZ! Great blog my friend! Thanks for the B-day phone call yesterday. So much better than a B-day email! :). Joe is right – you nailed it (once again)! Much love,
Mike