Silence is NOT Golden
I am no spring chicken and as the grey hairs have multiplied I am becoming ever increasingly convinced that one of the greatest hindrances to true fellowship is the refusal to talk to another believer about something that is bothering you about them. In this matter Silence is NOT golden and this silence will fracture the body as it undermines true biblical fellowship. For silence is the cancer that destroys the relationship.In Romans 13:8 we are told to “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his brother has fulfilled the law” NIV. We are obligated to love each other. When I refuse to speak to my brother about whatever stands between us I am refusing to love him. For as long as there is something between us our fellowship will never deepen, but rather it will deteriorate.It is amazing how creative I can become as I seek to find a way to legitimize in my mind a reason that will enable me to avoid talking to my brother. First of all I am a coward. I care more for my own comfort than the well being of my relationship with my brother in the Lord. Even though I am commanded to always tell the truth, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body” (Ephesians 4:25 NIV) I justify not obeying this passage under the pretense that the other person “cannot handle the truth.” When I give in to this twisted thinking I am refusing to acknowledge that the Spirit is working in the other believer (Romans 8:5-14, Philippians 1:6).To refuse to talk is to declare that you think the other person is an unbeliever. Now I know when I say this that most of us do not think this way when we refuse to talk to someone. My point is that if we are thinking biblically then this ought to be our conclusion. To view someone as a believer means that we are not allowed to conclude that talking would do no good and that they are incapable of change. Our Father in heaven is constantly working in his children through his Spirit, yet he may not bring about change according to our timetable. Besides, whatever happens is Romans 8:28, and must be embraced with a thankful heart (Ephesians 5:20). So take heart and speak to your brother about whatever is between the two of you, and remember that you both are a work under construction.
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I preached on Matthew 18:15-20 yesterday and think that in my pastoral experience nothing has been more damaging to the church than the lack of “manning up” with regard to people dealing with conflict and/or tension in a biblical fashion.
The cowardly way is more often than not chosen. That is, we’ll just stew or hold a grudge or gossip/defraud or all of the above.
Geoff, what do you suggest when in pursuit of more genuine, sincere relationships, the other person is just not responsive, but is just, at least generally, superficially pleasant? How about when you can never discuss the truth without being treated badly? -Phil
Phil,
I have recently experienced the same thing. I can only say that you need to ask for more information and express to them that you desire relationship that is more real, but if they refuse then your hands are tied yet prayer is your most vital tool.
When do you think Christians need to stop having an open relationship with someone?I would think that a truly obedient Christian may have to step away from one at times. I wonder if that would have to happen in any sort of revival. I think I remember hearing of how lonely Spurgeon was (and had to be) at times. Obviously that wasn’t because he was loveless, but loving. What are your thoughts Geoff?
I should add a ‘ stop pursuing’ to that ‘stop having.’